When Time Stops

The worst I have ever felt.

In particular it had to be the moment that the girl who has my heart found another boy.

Rewind back to sometime in the middle of February, and I clearly wrote in my journal (Yes the one she gave to me) that I didn't want to end up with a particular guy. It was a bit of foreshadowing on my part I guess, for some reason I just sensed something there. Yes I was halfway around the world and the one thing I really wanted on my trip was for her to not end up with him.

Fast forward to a month or two after my trip, and everything I didn't want to happen... came to be. Talk about a dagger in the heart, that was the worst feeling I have ever felt and it wasn't a short time, that pain dragged on from the time I came back to now really, it just lingers.

I was tired, sick of being away and all I wanted to do was come back to her. Kind of twisted I know.

So when she ended up with him I just started screaming inside and didn't stop. I kept myself busy with three jobs so I couldn't think about anything at all. I just let it be, kept busy, miserable, but busy.

The moment that time stopped...

It was some summer evening, I don't know I lost track of time. I didn't care anymore and just wanted to keep busy and not let anything get to me...

And there she was, inside my bar (Job #2: Bartender). It was as if there was nothing else was around me, a faint light spotlighted her as she stood in front of me some distance away. My heart leapt, sunk and went a million miles an hour all at once.

Every time I see her I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, but that one moment I didn't expect for anything to make my night worthwhile, but there she was, the one girl in the world that could make time stop on a dime. She was at a concert across the road with her new boyfriend (I never did meet him.) but made everything before that moment mute.

I know it's not much, but when everything is at it's worst it just takes a moment, one little visit to change everything.

She was happy...

I couldn't blame her for my bruised heart, she was happy and that was all that matter. I'd probably break his jaw if I had ever met him, just based on a few factors, but all I could really do was be happy for her and let everything be.

Not like I could change anything.

Then my heart broke a little more on an August afternoon. I was over at her house, and there she told me that they had broken up. He cited that he wasn't good enough for her, she told me what happened but more importantly she finally came clean that they had been together.

She already knew that I knew.

Come on, I'm not stupid.

I wish she wasn't sad about it, or had to go through that. Hell forget about my heart, I'd trade it for her to be happy, even if it was with someone I never wanted it to be.

I wish I could fix things, mend everything that needs to be mended. More importantly I wish I was the solution myself.

If I could, I'd make her happy.