I wonder what it's like for someone to want you... or need you...
I know I spend too much time alone.
I know I spend too many hours sad and lonely.
It's just something I can't avoid and will probably never be able to shake, only because I'm only ever able to feel a certain way once in a while. It's such a very rare feeling that I allow to take me over, to let any one person to hurt me at a level no one else could ever reach.
It's so much easier to leave the world behind, throw yourself into a canyon four hundred feet below or to have your face pummelled in a ring to deal with a real pain.
Once day I'd love to feel something different then pathetic, alone and worthless.
Is it so much to ask to get beyond these feelings and maybe have something returned.
Am I really not good enough?
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