Before I left

I'm still lost on that day. A boy trying his best to tell a girl how he feels, but all I remember is my throat closing up, no air and an inability to get those words out that I wanted to say. Even in all my silence and my awkwardness you knew...

But I still said nothing, I always believed you deserved to hear everything everything I have ever meant to say.

I don't know when I knew.

I just did.

Though I'll never forget the first time I saw you. You walked into class, and the moment froze. All the girls I had known before you paled in comparison. You were the girl I was chasing that never existed, maybe never will.

Even if I don't know where I am when I wake up out there, i'll know exactly how I feel and how I've felt for so long now.

Remember,

I'd give up the world for you.

Raptors Game

So today I found myself at the Toronto Raptors game.

Let's just say it was a sparse and quiet crowd, the team is bad this year and they played pretty flat after the 76ers exposed their zone defense.

I was hoping it would get me out of my slump... no such luck and my slump is much worse than the one currently plaguing the Raptors.

76ers 107 - Raptors 94

They couldn't even pull off 100 points, to give us that suffered through the game a free slice of pizza. It would have made up for the slice that I dropped on my way to our seats.

Until I Find You

"The desire to never leave your side, the desire to never see you again. The desire to see your face asleep on the pillow beside my face and to see your eyes open in the morning when I lie next to you—just watching you, waiting for you to wake up." 

Until I Find You - John Irving

Nice B&W Photos

Five Things

Five Things I Strive For

1. To Be Loved

2. Treat everyone the way they should be treated

3. Never hate

4. Never hurt

5. Never show weakness

Deep Inside

I wonder what it's like for someone to want you... or need you...

I know I spend too much time alone.

I know I spend too many hours sad and lonely.

It's just something I can't avoid and will probably never be able to shake, only because I'm only ever able to feel a certain way once in a while. It's such a very rare feeling that I allow to take me over, to let any one person to hurt me at a level no one else could ever reach.

It's so much easier to leave the world behind, throw yourself into a canyon four hundred feet below or to have your face pummelled in a ring to deal with a real pain.

Once day I'd love to feel something different then pathetic, alone and worthless.

Is it so much to ask to get beyond these feelings and maybe have something returned.

Am I really not good enough?

What I know

"Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection." 

                                                                                Great Expectations, Charles Dickens